Reading into it

I'll walk you through a mini meltdown I had this weekend that involved a hotel iron. Plus, a few books I'm loving lately.

I’m an overthinker. My natural inclination is to obsess, ruminate, and worry about things I may or may not have control of. This weekend, overthinking took the form of me obsessing about a personal wardrobe malfunction at my friend’s wedding. In anticipation of the occasion, I ordered a little black dress from Tuckernuck, an online boutique specializing in clothing of classic style and spirit that hints at a preppy vibe. Perfect for a New England wedding, I thought as I hit confirm on the checkout page. 

The dress arrived at my door in perfect condition a few days before my trip up to Rhode Island. I was thrilled when it fit and looked just as adorable on my 5’9 frame as it did the shorter, more petite model. The sleeves ballooned out whimsically, just like the photos online, and the deep neckline hit in a way that felt fun and youthful while maintaining an appropriate and elegant look. At the ripe age of twenty-seven, it can be hard to find clothing that combines all of the aforementioned elements, especially when the usual options are underboob cut-outs or ultra-conservative necklines and hems. 

When I tried the dress on again in our hotel room, my high school friends, who I was rooming with for the weekend, agreed the dress was perfect for the occasion. We oohed and aahed over how darling and flattering it was, relating to the woes of finding a dress that works. I changed back into my Lululemon leggings to get ready and decided something to be done about the wrinkles making up the entirely of the dress. After trying to steam them out with the hotel iron’s steam setting, I grew impatient. I read the inner tag to confirm the material of the dress could be ironed on low, so I pressed the hot iron onto the dress, and within 1.5 seconds, a small section of the dress was noticeably scorched and developing microtears. In that moment panic set in, its ruined, of course this would happen to me!  And I had a minor pity party, reciting expletives aloud as my friends promised me it “wasn’t that bad.” One friend even took over steaming (with a real steamer this time) so I could let my internal steam blow off as I did my hair and makeup in front of a makeshift vanity I created with an ironing board propped up in front of a floor-length mirror. 

For longer than I’d like to admit, I let myself spiral. Things never go my way. I can never find something that I feel good wearing and the one time I do I mess it up. Everyone is going to notice this dress is melted and I’m going to have to live with the photos forever. With this internal critic speaking, I viewed my responsibility for this wardrobe mishap as a reflection of who I am– hasty, thoughtless, and a mess. If I wore this flawed dress, everyone would see me as exactly that. Harsh! I was reading into the situation and judging myself in ways that were incredibly unfair when, really, all I needed to do was remind myself that making mistakes is incredibly human. 

Eventually, with some encouragement, I found a way to be gentle with myself. I tried the dress on again, and the wardrobe malfunction was mostly hidden by the dress’s design and my arm placement. I eased into the evening with a glass of white wine and cherished moments toasting the newlyweds between giggly conversations with a group of girlfriends.  Throughout the night, I received compliments on the dress, and with the dim venue lighting, the melty mistake I made earlier that morning was largely unnoticeable. It was a poignant reminder that if I want to fully live in the present moment, I have to be willing to absolve myself of my minor mistakes.

The moral of this story is twofold: 

1. never trust a hotel iron

2. (most) mistakes are not a reflection of you who are– don’t waste your precious time reading into them. 

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On my way to the gym a few times a week, I pass a library that has the sign, “2024 Goals: Be Kind & Read.” After passing by for a few weeks, I decided I was so fond of that message that I needed to park my car, skate across the black ice of the parking lot in my sneakers, and take a photo to memorialize the sentiment. Please enjoy:

I saw the most adorable TikTok of a little boy speaking about the benefits of reading, and it inspired me to stick to my “2024 ins” of reading more this year. In the video, the little boy stands on a table in front of a projector screen and, in his tiny but mighty voice, declares, “I personally read every day and absolutely love the adventure of reading.” It’s a must-watch clip.

In the spirit of “reading into things,” I want to encourage actual literary reading by sharing a few books I’ve loved lately. 

Signal Fires by Dani Shapiro 

One of the books I listened to in 2023 was Dani Shapiro’s newest fiction book, Signal Fires. The book is unlike any other I’ve read before, bouncing between each character’s points of view with every chapter. As a reader, I slowly grew to know each character down to their core. Knowing the harm they’ve done and the harm done to them. Learning how their stories intertwined in ways they knew and in ways the only reader knows. I soaked up the audiobook in a few days’ time and highly recommend listening/reading to find out the secrets and stories of Division Street. 

Radical Compassion by Tara Brach 

I’m currently listening to this one on Audible and am finding it to be a worthwhile listen. As I’ve shared before, I am in an ever-evolving state of self-compassion. Brach’s book pairs real-life client examples with various ways to implement RAIN- a technique that pairs mindfulness and compassion to help tolerate life’s challenging moments and emotions. It’s a resource I’ll be turning back to for myself and my clients again and again. 

The Five Star Weekend by Elin Hilderbrand 

This might be an unexpected choice considering my usual bias towards memoir and self-improvement genres. To be honest, I’ve been chipping away at this on and off since the summer and am finally making a point to read it every night before bed. From the cover, it appears to be a typical beach read, but there is so much depth to the characters and their backgrounds that it keeps me wanting to find out what is around the corner. The story centers around Hollis, a popular food blogger who suddenly loses her husband in a car accident. As she attempts to resume life, she invites four friends from different phases of her life to join her for a “five-star weekend” at her home in Nantucket. We quickly learn Hollis isn’t the only one struggling and each woman has their own internal crisis happening. We get to be inside each of their heads as the five-star weekend unfolds. I’m still reading it but I’ve found that the more that happens in each chapter, the quicker I’m turning the pages. 

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I’d like to know, what’s a situation you read into lately? And what are you literally reading? 

xoxo

Nicole