Go ahead and buy the flowers
a valentine's day reflection and a list of things I've been loving lately
I feel a moderate amount of embarrassment admitting that “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus was my most listened-to song on Spotify last year, but I’ve decided to own it. After all, Miley’s hit earned her her first Grammy despite being a major artist for over a decade. The song embodies independence, self-assurance, and a zest for life, all through the lens of womanhood. Plus, it’s catchy and fun to sing in the car at 90% volume.
With Miley’s lyrics in mind, I stopped by Trader Joe’s the day before Valentine’s Day, determined to buy myself flowers– plus a few extra for my Mom and sister– but mostly for myself. I pushed my red cart into the store and strolled over to the roses with a pastel-hued vision. I picked out blush pink garden roses, ivory spray roses, baby’s breath, and something called sea lavender.
As I grabbed my essential elements for a DIY arrangement, I saw teenage boys grabbing pre-made bouquets, little kids with their Dads holding red roses, and middle-aged women tossing a few bouquets into their carts. I wondered what their recipients looked like, if they’d liked the arrangement with hydrangeas and daisies or would have preferred the classic red roses, and if anyone else was like me– shopping for themselves.
I’m comfortable being independent. I was chatting with another single friend recently about our conflicting desires to be in a healthy, loving, long-term relationship and simultaneously have nothing else in our lives change (re: independence). As we nodded at one another’s sentiments and sipped our over-priced beverages, I glanced over at thirty-something couples with tottling toddlers and infants in strollers, wondering what their single days looked like and the path it took them to get to that moment in the coffee shop. I found myself simultaneously yearning for that picture-perfect nuclear family life someday and overwhelmed by the idea of it, too.
I’m grateful to live in an age where partnership is a choice for women. I don’t feel like I’m waiting around for someone for my life to begin. While I’d like that someday, for now, I find fulfillment in spending time with my family, cherishing my female friendships, expanding my writing life and career, and, of course, doing all with my velcro dog, Ruby, in mind. Maybe it’s my all-girls Catholic school education showing where we learned “a man is not a financial plan,” but I really believe that women can pursue partnership (if they so choose) on their own timeline.
It’s a vast improvement from my Mother and Grandmother’s time when women couldn’t get a credit card until 1974 (only fifty years ago!!), but it’s not perfect. Women continuously need to break the glass ceiling in their given industries. On average, women still get paid less than men for the same roles (especially women of color), and reproductive rights have been taken away from millions of women based solely on the state they reside in. As we grapple with the devastation of these facts and raise our voices to create change, we can do so with or without a partner supporting us.
Two years ago, a dear cousin gifted me a copy of Tara Schuster’s Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies, a self-helpy memoir with practical rituals, tools, and advice to “fix your life” (direct quote from the title). Unsurprisingly, one of the rituals was to buy yourself lilies as soon as you noticed yourself feeling that tinge of “I wish someone would buy me flowers” while looking at the floral display at the grocery store. It’s a lesson in not waiting for someone or something else to give you what you desire. The act of buying yourself lilies is an act of care and comfort, nodding to the refrain that you need to love yourself before someone else does. It’s a reminder that we don’t need to wait around hoping someone will care for us in the ways we wish. We can provide ourselves that care, that validation, that affection and be better for it. This is not a man-hating, anti-relationship rant, but rather, a perspective that we can show up better in relationships (romantic and platonic) and attract the right people when we take the time to care for ourselves.
When I brought the Trader Joe’s flowers home, I amateurishly arranged a bouquet for myself and one for my Mom. Placing thin strips of clear tape along the top of the vase in a lattice design, snipping the stems down to two-thirds of their original length, and placing each stem strategically into a taped square, stepping back then stepping forward, adjusting several times until complete. For the next week or so, when I walk into my kitchen, the petite vase of pastel pink rose buds takes center stage, a nod to my ever-growing relationship with myself.
A List of Things I’ve Been Loving Lately
Brooke and Connor Make a Podcast
I’ve been a long-time fan of this duo, and their podcast hits every. single. week. It’s a fun, humorous and laidback podcast hosted by two LA transplants that often get into their lives at twenty-redacted-year-olds (their words, not mine).
Synced by Armchair Expert with Monica Padman and Liz Plank
Another great pod is Synced with Monica and Liz. These women have conversations that range from light-hearted banter about recent happenings to more serious conversations about dating, family dynamics, and navigating friendships as adults. Every episode ends with an advice segment where listeners write in with situations and Monica and Liz give their best big-sis/bestie advice.
I most recently listened to Synced: The Recital and loved how vulnerable these two were with trying new challenges (think performing an original song and reading an essay aloud) and recording them for listeners to enjoy.
Another notable mention is that Liz is on Substack! I love reading her posts on AirPlane Mode, where she uses her journalism background to make news digestible and relevant.
Over the last year, I’ve been strength training a few times a week and realizing the importance of eating enough, and that includes getting enough protein. I’m a big fan of the Mezcla Protein Bars, especially the Matcha and Mexican Hot Chocolate Varieties. Most of the 10 grams of protein come from pea crisps, which give a similar texture to rice krispy treats. I like to order packs of fifteen from Amazon.
Microchop Salads Inspired by Baked By Melissa
In my daily scrolling, I found the woman behind Baked by Melissa– those delectable tie-dye mini cupcakes– is pretty active on TikTok and Instagram and makes some insane microchop salad combinations. This week I made her Lentil Salad and was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. The combo of fresh vegetables, lentils (24 grams of protein per cup!!), and a tangy dressing (think miso lemon) make it a quintessential meal to keep in the fridge for a few days of lunches. Pro-tip, use a multi-use veggie chopper to make the process go by quicker and with less cleanup!
Lastly…
How have you shown up for yourself recently?
How often do you buy yourself flowers (or other joy-fueled treats just for you!)?
What are you loving lately?
Happy Valentine’s Day 💕
xoxo
Nicole
This is beautiful, Nicole. Thanks for sharing. Let us all buy ourselves flowers. 🌺